Parental alienation takes many different shapes and forms. For some, it is a simple albeit painful situation, where the child just refuses to see them. For others, it can be more nuanced and complicated. Whether with the child alone saying hurtful to the parent that it possibly picked up from the other parent, or whether it is a case where the providers have been alienated from one parent by the actions or words of the other parent, parental alienation is an extremely hurtful and painful process to go through.

The courts are aware of parental alienation, yet it is extremely hard to prove, so it’s treated like somewhat of a four-letter word in court. In the rare cases where it can actually be proven, it can be grounds for a change in custody, but that change can be difficult to accomplish, especially where the child does not want to see the other parent. It can also be grounds for assessing legal fees as penalties for the ostracizing parent, yet this is barely a deterrent for the party to refrain from. However, like all custodial legal enforcement, it’s very few and far between where the courts actually implement safeguards to penalize parental alienation.

As a community matter as well, this issue is also barely addressed and discussed. While there has been some more recent movement as a community for people to be aware of the issues and dangers of parental alienation, and how abusive towards the children it is, there are still many people and organizations that claim parental alienation is a made-up term, (often they claim by a pedophile). I myself was surprised to find a Divorce Coach Training Program which had such a disclaimer outright on the application…That there is no such thing as parental alienation, and that if I were to take the course it would be with that understanding. How horrible to see that on the application of a training program which is supposed to be all about helping guide others through their own divorce?

It is hard to deny that estranged parents are 30x more likely to commit suicide. I myself am part of online support groups that usually has a post every month or so stating from the member’s family or girlfriend stating that the member committed suicide while holding a picture of children they could no longer see.  It is hard to deny that children growing up without having both parents involved in their lives are far less likely to graduate high school, college, stay out of prison or stay off of drugs. It is hard to deny that as a community, when we only provide support to custodial parents and leave the non-custodial parents without community support and resources, we are being extremely shortsighted as a community. For these custodial parents will eventually want to remarry eligible spouses, and if there are less community resources invested to help non-custodial parents, then there will also be less eligible divorced singles for them to possibly marry.

Just as there are community actions for when someone refuses to give a get, we have to have that same level of intolerance when someone denies a visitation. Just like we blast a person’s name around on a list or website when they are refusing to come to bais din, we have to hold accountable parents who consistently badmouth or seek to exclude their co-parents with access to providers for their children.

I have a few clients who are actively suffering from parental alienation, some who have had court orders for access that are being ignored by the other parent or the courts. My heart goes out to these parents, and I know that for every person who comes to me with these issues, there is a “silent majority” of people who just simply walk away rather than deal with the pain of attempting to see a child that they cannot force to see them.

I stand with them, as should all of us here. This issue can happen to anyone and should not be tolerated by anyone. I challenge our community to raise more awareness of this issue, and help create effective strategies to combat this horrible disease we call parental alienation.

Let every child have the right to have both of their living parents present in their lives.

Let every parent have the right to see their child.

Divorce should just be the end of the marriage, not of the relationship between a parent and a child.

End Parental Alienation

#parentalalienationawareness